singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
