you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
