he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
