O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
