oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
