how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
How's work?
Spinning.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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