I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
