Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
