um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
