Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
