Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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