I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
