Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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