I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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