Can i not drive my cunt home
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
