; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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