who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
