Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
