Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize