I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
