You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
