We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So squirting runs in the family.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
