I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
