Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize