every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
