Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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