I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think your dad took our porno
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
