Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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