Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
