This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
