life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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