I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
