Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
