it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
