he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
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Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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