so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
