sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize