Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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