Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She needs sedatives and a leash
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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