I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
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Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
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I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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