my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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