I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
