I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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