We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
