I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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