So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
