so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
