I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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