He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Someone shit on the floor
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
