Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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