The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
