I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
