oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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