he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
