I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
