This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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