My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
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He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize