if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
