omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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