Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
