whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
