32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
im six kinds of drunk right now
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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