i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
