Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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