i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
high people should be assigned attendants
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
