I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just want nice things and good sex
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
