i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
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You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
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Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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