I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Randomize
