Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
