I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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