a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize