areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My vagina is very pro this idea
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
