Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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