Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
