Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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