guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the condom got lost in my hair
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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