you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
