legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
