He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
