alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
