I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
