Your face is a jimmy john
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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