the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
A+ Viking dick
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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