Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
