Someone shit on the floor
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
