I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
